There is always a story behind the story people tell. Mostly you only get to that story behind the story with a lot of patience, good detective skills or just by coincidence.
In this case you´re lucky, you just get it without any effort. I only do that because I´m sure we can make a deal. This blog is about my project and the experiences it takes me through. I explicitly don´t want this blog to be about the story behind the project. So the deal is: I only give as much as I want to give, and you don´t ask more then you get. After you have read this page, I´m confident you will agree.
In many adults life there are hidden things, dating back to the days of childhood. Things that have been forgotten. Because it felt better to forget than to remember. Because others have hidden them for us behind adapted versions of the truth. Somehow things that were doomed to be forgotten. We live our lives without being aware of those things. Happy days, difficult days, periods full of love, stages of loneliness. They come and go, leaving the secrets of childhood untouched.
Some days are different. They are meant to bring some forgotten thing back to the surface. Nobody asks for such a day to come. They just do, they come when they need to come. On those moments it´s better to face whatever is coming up than to keep on struggling to push it down again.
In spring 2016 I had such a day. I learned a lot since then. Many stories of my life became easier to understand. It was and still is hard work, but worth while.
I met a lot of old feelings on my path. Feelings that have been hidden to make my life match the beautiful story I built around it. Central in that story is the image of the self confident and successful woman who can realize whatever she wants. Hidden behind it, I found a shaking being, deeply lost in fear of failure. A new concept to deal with.
Fear of failure probably lives inside all of us, in different levels and degrees. I for myself felt the fear was so strong that although I was perfectly able to function in daily life, it actually reigned my whole being on a certain level. When my husband asked me my idea about what kind of trip I would like to make during the summer, I had to answer him:
“I have no idea
please don´t ask me again
just arrange something and I´ll be happy to come along”.
So the story behind the project in short: processing trauma from childhood opens up frozen feelings, bringing up strong fear of failure. It also allows deeper connections with the true self, which includes a strong intuition. And that is how the project was born: using intuition to get over the fear of failure.